Kat and Blog

Oh, what a shame

2008-07-27T00:34:00.002-05:00

Holy crap blog.
How the hell are you?

It's been, what, like a month? Yea, sorry about that.
Sometimes I can be a neglectful lover.
It's summer and I've been busy looking after kids on a daily basis.

Most of them are cool and also hilarious.
Some of them smell really bad to the point that I have to get up and walk away when I'm eating my lunch because their smell makes me want to throw up my sandwhich.
Some of them call me weird, and some of them tell really horrible stories that I don't know whether or not to laugh at because their only emotion is awkward. Some of them even play cards with me and make the game up as we go along which frustrates me to no end. But, yea, most of them are pretty cool.

For those of you who don't know, I'm working at a camp at Brock in which I am the sole drama camp councellor. This fact is pretty well known with the campers and staff, so a lot of times I am asked to do silly things that other cousellors wouldn't have to do...but I'm ok with it.

I can mostly be seen with silly hair, or dressed like a pirate, or wearing entire plaid outfits while yelling really loudly conducting cheer competitions. A lot of the time I'm tired and end up looking really awkward or have T-Rex claws when I talk, but I'm ok with it.

So yea, sorry that my blog skills have been lacking.
I promise that I will update more often when really hilarious things happen at camp. Like the time when on of the particularily awkward volunteers slipped on a wet tile floor and ate it so hard and I laughed probably too loud. That made me feel like a pretty good person.

Also, a certain boy has been monopolizing my time, but I'm not even the least bit upset about it. He's pretty neat, and I like to kiss him on the face.

Public washrooms

2008-06-13T09:30:00.001-05:00

Ok, ladies...sit down.
We need to chat.

When I go into a public washroom and you are already sitting there in a stall - perfectly silent - and are still sitting in there when I am done - still perfectly silent - anddd you are still even there once I have left - still perfectly silent - I still know you are there.

You are not a very good poop ninja.

2008-06-12T14:41:00.001-05:00

I like have five different internet communication devices to check throughout the day when I am so bored at work.
I do not like the fact that none of them ever have anything in the inbox.

Oh, just at work.

2008-06-11T14:38:00.001-05:00

1.I've come to realize that my butt:
-er is melting. I should have put it in the fridge.

2. I've come to realize that when I talk :
People mistake me for an air-traffic controller.

3. I've come to realize that, if I love someone (not family):
I like to pee on them during sex.

4. I've come to realize that I need:
someone who doesn’t mind being peed on.

5. I've come to realize that I lost:
My self-respect.

6. Ive come to realize that money:
Is usually invested in my lucrative stocks and bonds.

7. I've come to realize that things get busy when:
you’re getting’ busy. HEY-O.

8.I've come to realize that music:
I NEVER LISTEN TO RAP AND COUNTRY. THEY SUCK.

9. I've come to realize that:
What? That’s the whole question?

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
Way freaking cool.

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on:
EVERY BOY.

12. I've come to realize that the last time I cried was:
I yawned too hard and my eyes started to water.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is:
Rarely charged, and used only to contact two people. Hi Phil and Kimber!

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning:
It’s really the afternoon.

15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I:
Brush my teeth and wash my face. DOESN’T EVERYONE?

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
Maybe not being that sarcastic.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook:
I shouldn’t automatically judge people.

19. I've come to realize that today I will:
Probably judge you on facebook.

20. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
Probably talk to Katie about judging you on facebook.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will:
See above.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to:
Stop coming to realize things.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is:
Oh my god, I hope the boy of my dreams reads this and realizes that I’m talking about him in EVERY QUESTION, and then fall instantly in love with me and repost it with responses that are EXACTLY LIKE MINE.

24. I've come to realize relationships:
Probably are the best.

25. I've come to realize love:
Fucking sucks.

26. I've come to realize my best guy friend(s):
Read a lot of comic books.

27. I've come to realize my best girl friend(s):
Also read comic books.

28. I've come to realize food:
is always in my belly.

29. I've come to realize girls/boys:
Girl-boys? Like a transvestite?

30: I've come to realize over the summer:
I will sleep a lot.

31. I've come to realize heartbreak:
is a medical condition in which the casualty should immediately go to the hospital.

I'll have you know...

2008-06-11T11:54:00.006-05:00

My birthday is in 2 weeks and three days.

Last year when I wrote a blog about what I would like for said birthday

I got everything I wanted

Thanks Courtney and Kristen! You are the best!

I'm not going to do that again though

Because I feel like maybe that's a little greedy.

When my parents ask what I would like,

I'll probably just say nothing

Which isn't really the truth

But it's what I'll say anyways.

yes 100% gold star

2008-06-10T12:25:00.002-05:00

My job is kind of stupidly easy.
My day consists of setting up a computer and LCD projector, turning on the speaker system, asking the catering staff for more coffee and drinking a lot of tea.
Oh, and also sweating a lot.

Today, however, I had a small degree of excitement when I had to get a presenters presentation photocopied in a hurry. I felt pretty important walking in Printing Services at Brock with an account number and an immediate request for printing.
Just being a grown up with a grown up job, is all. No biggie.

Well, I suppose the gods just aren't ready for any degree of maturity in my life, so in an effort to void anything I do that seems even mildly important, they make me do humiliating things just to bring me back down to earth.

After getting my printing done I was walking back to my car with a big box of papers and my larger than necessary purse. I looked important, let me tell you.

Then both my ankles give out and I fall right to the ground. Not even a stumble, just a complete free fall to the sidewalk.
Rather than crying immediately, I just said "Fuck my life" louder than I probably should, looked around to make sure no one saw (no one did) and then walked to my car with my head hung in shame.

I immediately e-mailed my Mom, and this is what she said in response. It made me laugh.

Hi Sweetheart:

Not a good day eh? I hope you didn't hurt yourself too badly when you fell. Better check you ankles throughout the day to make sure they are not swelling.

Suzy and I

2008-06-03T21:34:00.003-05:00

There have been instantances in my home when I have been compared to my pet dog Suzy. I can't remember the exact reasons, but there were some, and some of them were maybe even reasonable.

Today I came up with a reason why my dog and I are similar, and it hurts me to say it because this was previously a very sour topic for me to discuss.

When my dog does something embarrassing, like pooping by accident on the floor, she will go to great lengths to cover it up because she doesn't want us to know...presumably because she is ashamed.
There have been evenings when we come home and there is a carpet overturned into a poop pita, or a piece of mail dragged from the mail box over a pile of poop.
This doesn't happen often, but when it does it's very difficult to even get mad at the little pooch because she is obviously embarrassed about what she has done because she knows it was stupid and something she shouldn't do.

Today I had a similar experience, though it did not involve poop in any capacity.
I'm working at a conference in which my main duties are setting up and taking down the AV equipment. This takes me approximately 20 minutes, but I have to be at the conference all day.
I'm not complaining though as I am being paid a ridiculous amount for it, but I digress.
Today there was a new piece of AV equipment that I had to figure out. All it was was a small remote that would allow for the presenters to click through their powerpoint presentations without being directly beside it.
For the life of me, I could not get this stupid fucking remote to work. I tried different batteries, tried to reconfigure it, put the battery in different ways....everything. It just wouldn't work.
Needless to say, the presenter had to go without the clicker for the first part of the day, as I couldn't get it to work and was too frustrated to care about it.
Later on, after two to three cups of horrible coffee, I decided that I should probably read the instruction manual because that might give me a clue as to what's going on.
I flip to the second page, and there written in bold letters with a tiny arrow mocking me to no end is the label "On/Off switch".
Well, fuck me sideways.

I was so embarrassed. How could I possibly not even consider the fact that there is a on/off switch?
Oh, I know. I'm stupid.

So, I threw the stupid remote in my purse to hide it because I was so embarrassed, and didn't talk about it for the rest of the day.

My dog and I both experience extreme bouts of embarrassment.

Dear girls we went to highschool with

2008-05-30T18:36:00.004-05:00

When you get this tattooed on you, the chances of you being ridiculed by Katie and I are increased 10 fold.

kate: my other car's a couch says:
LOL
ARE YOU SERIOUS

Miss Gottli. says:
100%

kate: my other car's a couch says:
how do people exist
how

Miss Gottli. says:
You don't want your own eyes tramp stamped on you?
So when you're getting pounded the boys can still look in your eyes?
That's not cool?
I thought it was pretty romantic.

kate: my other car's a couch says:
LOL
yeah, I refuse to have sex in any position where we can't look in each other's eyes
maybe i should get it for joe
for valentines day

Miss Gottli. says:
BARF

kate: my other car's a couch says:
that would look so stupid without pants on though

Miss Gottli. says:
lol...it doesn't look stupid with pants on?

kate: my other car's a couch says:
like, it would look like you got in a car accident and have no face or mouth

Miss Gottli. says:
IT WOULD LOOK LIKE A FACE
Mine would have acne.

kate: my other car's a couch says:
lol mine wouldn't, but it would be very white

Miss Gottli. says:
haha

kate: my other car's a couch says:
sometimes it would have a birth control patch on it

Miss Gottli. says:
HAHA
Katie...seriosuly....who does that?

kate: my other car's a couch says:
every girl i went to highschool with lol

Miss Gottli. says:
Ugh.
I'm also blogging this conversation.

I'm really tired, I think.

2008-05-26T04:46:00.004-05:00

Dudes, I had the most ridiculous dream last night. It's like everything in my life for the past week was thrown into a blender and mixed into a horrible dream that I never want to have again.

I'm not going to go into great details, but I should tell you the dream was incredibly realistic. I woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach because I of what happened in the dream, and mostly how mean I was.

The dream consisted of:
-Dexter
-Local Peach Farmers
-A craft show
-Pie
-Ex-boyfriends (and me verbally berrating them...which made me feel so bad)
-My parents yelling at me
-Those stupid little cloud bugs that congrigate on my ceiling at night time

I woke up so depressed.
It didn't make it any better that I got up at 5:30 because I had to pee really badly.

I feel like maybe this shouldn't be a blog, but rather a story I tell in person.
But, that is the wonder of the internet.

Incase you were wondering

2008-05-25T21:55:00.003-05:00

1) The movies Step Mom and My Girl will instantly make me cry hysterically. This cryfest will last for days. If you bring up Step Mom or My Girl in conversation, I will probably get really upset and tell you to shut up immediately.
2) I have a pet fish that I saved from a coffee pot. The original intentions for the fish were for it to be an office pet, which is incredibly valiant on my co-workers part, but a muffin diet and a coffee pot home are not appropriate for a beta fish. I am, however, worried that Presston will die within the next month or so.
3) I will almost always trust you immediately, and as a result rush into things. But if you break my trust, for whatever reason, I probably will never trust you again. Sorry dudes.
4) Kristina is my best friend as well as my little sister. Sometimes we hold hands in public, which I think people mistake for lesbian love.
5) Kimber and Katie are my best friends below my sister. I will punch you directly in the throat/face region if you upset them.
6) Most of my threats are idle.
7) I drink a lot of coffee, and have stained my teeth as a result, as well as become dependant on it in order to function.
8) I have a black car with dents on the side of it that I sometimes call "Betty".
9) I wish I grew up in the 50's and enjoy the music from that era a great deal.
10) Whenever Prince comes on the radio I will immediately say "Oh shit yes", and turn up the volume as loud as it goes. Except in school or Hospital areas.
11) Sometimes I go for country drives and get hopelessly lost and have miniature panic attacks.
12) I hate driving on the highway, and will leave my house extra early just so I can drive on city or backroads. The highway is boring.
13) I enjoy lists in pretty well any capacity.
14) I enjoy working with children, and think they are always hilarious even when they are stupid brats.
15) Sometimes I wish I could punch parents in the face because they are the reason their kid is messed up.
16) I love my family very much, and wouldn't trade them for the world.
17) My brother is quite possibly the funniest and most talented person I have ever known, and I think he is a wonderful person. I am happy for him for finding a girl as great as Katie.
18) Sometimes I get really emotional and write personal blogs.
19) I have dreams about shopping in thrift stores really frequently.
20) I am a nice girl, and will probably be your friend.

A poor substitute for a blog

2008-05-23T17:21:00.001-05:00

Even though I have so many things to say about this song (it's kind of old, I know) it can be summed up into "Always yes".

Sorry

2008-05-18T00:02:00.005-05:00

Hello friends of my blog.
Sorry I've been in a piss poor mood lately.
I re-read two of my previous posts and realized that sometimes I'm a whiny pretentious baby, and it made me upset to think that other people read those blogs.

THOSE ARE MY FEELINGS THAT I SHOULD KEEP TO MYSELF.

Here is a picture of a cute animal as an attempt at an internet apology.

Also this.

Bloggin' from the office

2008-05-16T11:07:00.002-05:00

On my way up to the office this morning, I was stopped at a stop light and witnessed something that completely made my day.

A set of Grandparents was taking their two small grandson's out for a walk. One of the boys was in a wagon being pulled by the Grandpa, and the other boy was standing with his Grandma. Both of the boys had pieces of nature in their hands, because that's what little kids do. Things like big leaves and Dandelions impress them. It's cute, ok?

So, Grandpa pulls younger Grandson across the street as Grandma stays on the other side of the road because older Grandson is picking a Dandelion that is all white a fuzzy, ready to pollinate the surrounding grass. Older Grandson runs up to his Grandma so impressed with his small treasure, and I could tell he was so excited to run across the street and show his little brother. When the crosswalk permitted, the boy ran across the street shielding his Dandelion from the wind, and ran right up to his little brother in the wagon.

He promptly blew the Dandelion in his face, and then threw the stem at the back of his head as Grandpa started pulling him away.

It was so awesome, and I'm so excited to have kids.

In 10 years. (Ok Mom? Jeez.)

The Dentist's Chair

2008-05-14T22:46:00.003-05:00

Kat is sitting in the Dentist's chair, waiting for him to finish with another parent. After a few minutes of reading an extremely out-dated People magazine (BRAD AND JEN BROKE UP?) Dr. D finally arrives.

Dr. D: Hi Katherine, how are you today?
Kat: Hi Doctor. I'm well thank-you, and how are you?
Dr. D: Well. So, how is brushing and flossing going?

So many answers run through Kat's head. Most of them are sarcastic and completely rude. "I HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH??" being the most obvious sarcastic answer, though "Well, I've been chewing that Whitening gum a lot, so I figured brushing and flossing were unnecessary." and "Oh, it's going alright. I try to get to it when I can fit it in my schedule." are two alternate responses. Kat, however, opts for:

Kat: Good. I brush twice sometimes three times a day, and floss almost regularily (the latter of that sentence being a bold face lie.)

Later on in the visit, Dr. D notices a chip on Kat's front tooth that she was really hoping he wouldn't draw attention to.

Dr. D: Oh, I notice you have a small chip on the side of your left front tooth here. Did you know that was there?
Kat: Yes.
Dr. D: How did that happen?
Kat: Uhhhh....(Kat does not want to explain to the Dentist that she was trying to press a gromet together on a school project she was making because the hammer wasn't closing it all the way. She, being the intelligent person that she is, decided that biting the two sides together would be the best way to go about it. Beyond that, she did not think that using her stronger molars would be the teeth of choice to complete this task, and opted for her front tooth, which promtly chipped because - SURPRISE - teeth aren't strong enough to press metal together. Kat, however, finds an excuse.) Oh, I think it was on a pen or something.

Being a girl. omg.

2008-05-10T15:56:00.005-05:00

I went shopping for professional clothes on Friday because I have a semi-grown up job and feel like I should look nice.

It made me feel like shit.
Aside from the one of the employees yelling that she couldn't find my size ANYWHERE in the store while I was in the change room and completely belittling me by saying 'now, you have a super day young lady' when I handed her back all of her stores stupid and ugly clothes (I was upset), I realized that even though I joke about being horribly misproportioned, I actually really am.
I have short legs, my hip to waist ratio is off, my boobs are way to big for any shirt that fits me everywhere else, and I hate myself and am just going to sit in my dark room and cry for the rest of my life.

However, I did pick up some pretty sweet sunglasses that were 3 for $20.
YEA, three for twenty dollars.

If there is any tangible proof that I am a girl (some may have thier doubts) it can be found in my perhaps unnecessarily large collection of sun-glasses and shoes.

For your viewing pleasure, my $6.66(repeated) sunglasses.

I liked these ones because I actually wish the world was black and white. Everything just looks nicer.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe,
Go lightly on the ground.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I will only let you down.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who will promise never to part,
Someone to close his eyes for you,
Someone to close his heart,
Someone who will die for you an' more,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe. (as per Caitlin's observation)

Kat: Kristina, look at these sunglasses I got yesterday. These ones are my favourite.
Kristina: You look like you have gold eyebrows.

Thank you

2008-05-10T09:26:00.002-05:00

Dear Tim Hortons Employees:

You and I both know that no one wants to sit in a long line of cars at the drive-through on a Saturday morning.
Not only is it irritating, all those idling cars are horrible for the environment.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for not even looking twice at me when I ventured out of my car into the store rather than waiting in the drive-through line this morning.

My hair was a mess with bobby-pins actually falling out as I walked, if I had taken off my dark sunglasses you would have noticed that my make-up was smeared nicely all over my face, I'm pretty sure that last nights clothes had worked themselves into a pretty impressive wedgie, I was covered in cat hair, my purse wasn't closed properly, and I smelt like last nights alcohol. Essentially the most glamorous I have ever looked.

Sometimes a girl just NEEDS a coffee, and you were there to provide without passing judgement.

Thanks a lot my little Tim Hortons workers.
You will always be in my heart.
xo
Kat
(I just wrote Jat...please start calling me that.)

I can't sleep

2008-05-08T00:08:00.003-05:00

I was just about to write a hilarious comment on my sister's facebook wall but, once again, the Facebook Search option yielded hilarious results.

I find it mildly humourous that Louise has such a regal sounding name, but her display picture is of her pregnant belly. I would assume that one with such a prestigious sounding name would have a Prada bag or an expensive bottle of wine as their photo.

Regardless, congradulations Louise. I hope the baby is healthy, and thank you for making me chuckle before going to bed.

Why my mother threatens to shave my head in the middle of the night

2008-05-07T23:05:00.003-05:00

My miniature heart attack

2008-05-07T22:22:00.002-05:00

This evening was the first time I have ever been in a near fatal car collision, and I feel like I need to share it with the world/internet/the 4 people who read my blog. (Hi Kristina!)

This is probably the only "first" I'm ever going to share with you, as all of the other one can be summed up in "It totally sucked, and I was sweating a lot".

I have been in car collisions in my own vehicle before - two to be exact. One involving a pole (you can always tell which is my car by the dents on the side) and one with a woman being charged with scamming the government (also a blog). Tonight, however, was a much more serious potential collision, and I'm glad everyone came out of it alive.

While driving home from Joe and Kate's (plus 8?) I decided to take the EXTREMELY long way home, because I enjoy driving around by myself on mini-city adventures. Also, I really enjoy the CD's that Katie made me, so I make excuses to drive more. Another also, I enjoy single handedly increasing the amount of pollution in the city.

I was driving along Lakeshore, just past the lift bridge when it happened. It's been raining all night, so everything has a nice sheen to it that reflects headlights nicely, so visibility was semi-low. My windshield wipers are also a piece of garbage, so it made things even more interesting.
I was singing along with my new best friend Hawksley when, all of a sudden, I see two golden eyes glaring at my vehicle from the side of the road. With no warning, those two eyes turned and started to dart out directly infront of my vehicle, resulting in a perhaps exaggerated gasp from me, and a quick swerve of my vehicle into the other lane.

When I passed the dare-devil animal, I saw that it was a skunk.

Now, I really don't know the proper procedures of what one is supposed to do when they actually hit an animal. I can tell you what my reaction would be, and I'm 104% sure that it's probably not what you're supposed to do. I would immediately pull over my vehicle, and probably blurt out some string of horrible profanity in an incredibly loud voice, than immediately begin to cry. Then I would probably turn off the car, pop on my four ways and run back to the animal and cry over it's body for about 20 minutes. Then get back into my vehicle, attempt to compose myself, text Kimber to inform her that I have now committed vehicular homicide (animal-icde?) and then cry all the way home and probably well into the night. Then I would probably think about that poor creature for a good week or so - whether it had a family with babies, or if it was just a baby itself venturing out on its own for the first time. This would more than likely make me start crying again (more than likely in a public setting), and then it would just be awkward for everyone.

I feel like this is not appropriate in any sense, and the right thing to do would probably just to be keep driving and then call someone to tell them that there is a dead animal on the side of the road so it can be cleaned up.

I don't think I would ever be the same person again.

However, none of this happened, so I'm still the same ol' me.

2008-05-06T20:08:00.002-05:00

Dear Jim Sturgess (Jude):
I just wanted to let you know that I've watched the first 42 seconds of this video about 7 times in the last 5 minutes (my sister can attest to this fact).
I don't know anything about you as an actual person, so all of my references in this letter will based on what I have learned about you in Across the Universe, specifically those 40 seconds or so that I have just previously mentioned.

First of all, I have been serching for the technology on internets that allows me to put my face over the face of the girl in the video. I have yet to locate it.

Secondly, I completely understand your need to leave the mines and see the world. I feel like I am in the same position, however have neither the hollywood good looks or exotic British accent to get me the things I want in life. When you have those things, people just hand whatever you want to you, like beautiful significant others and eclectic little apartments in New York living with a raspy voiced comfortably sexy landlord who lets you have an entire room for a art studio.

Thirdly, I would like YOU to be my beautiful significant other. I feel Lucy and I have a lot in common, but also differ enough that our relationship would be new and refreshing once your relationship with her crumbles. For example, Lucy is blond and thin - I, however, am a brunette and awkwardly misproportioned. Exciting, no? Lucy is a good student who had a boyfriend in the military before meeting and falling in love with you. I am an average student whose last boyfriend was not in the military. See what I'm getting at here my sweet? Different and exciting.

I'm sure at first it might take a little persuading, considering you are not actually Jude in real life, but I'm willing to look past that. I know that within time you will speak to me only in a British accent and grow your hair out so you look like you're actually a member of the Strokes.

I don't ask for much little lemon-tart.

xo
Kat.

Love Always, Cute Overload

2008-05-05T22:57:00.003-05:00

Seriously, so excited.

2008-05-04T22:47:00.009-05:00

Guys, I can hardly wait until camp starts. I am the most excited I have ever been in my whole life. SRSLY.
I was looking through pictures of past camps, and I would like to share them with your blog because I feel I need to justify my perhaps over the top love of summer camp.

Here I am, looking incredibly over-excited with two of my beautiful little Mexican friends last summer. I think I should point out that I am at the SCIENCE CENTRE (edit 4 minutes later...this is actually the Pen Centre. I am silly. We did go to the Science Centre though, and I imagine this was the same level of excitement I had the entire day), which more or less justifies my extreme excitement. Come on...science, you guys.
Anyways, this camp was really amazing in the respect that I got to learn some Spanish, and meet some really wonderful kids. I don't really remember much of the Spanich, other than some swears.
One day while playing in the gym, some of the girls came up to me and asked what some of the worst swear words were in English. They already knew about the "f-bomb", so I told them that's really all they needed to know. However, they were persistant, and I told them that there was one word that was worse, but I didn't really want to tell them because it really wasn't a nice thing to call anyone ever. They got it out of me somehow, though, and I lost sleep over the fact that I was polluting the minds of young children in OTHER COUNTRIES. Regardless, they were amazing, and I cried like a baby when they left after their month long visit.

These are also two of my lovely Mexicans, Getti and Melissa. This was our newspaper fashion show night. Getti was sporting our swim-wear, looking incredibly fashionable. Melissa was in formal wear, ready for the Prom, and I was in casual wear, trying to keep my sweatpants from showing underneath my newspaper mini-skirt.
We didn't win, unfortunately, but our cheer was the best and loudest out of everyone. This may have had something to do with the fact that I had 40 kids under my care, and all the other counsellors only had 20-30.
There was one little boy who was only 8 in another group who wanted to be a space-age swimmer, so his newpaper outfit looked very much like a Transformer. No one really knew what was going on with that, so he didn't win either. It's killing me that I can't remember his name, but I remember that we called him the Spanish equivalent of "Little Monkey" and he wore his pants on backwards one day and it made me laugh for approximately 20 minutes. (The dirt from his knees was on the back of the pants, and the draw-string was hanging out the back like a tail. HILARIOUS.)

This was my first year working Summer Camp with Youth U. This was my older group of campers in my Debating camp. They were pretty much the coolest kids ever, and it was so awesome only having 4 of them to hang out with vs. the 15 of my other groups. I don't know what the kid on the end is doing. (I am so horrible at remembering names. I feel like shit that I can't remember their names anymore.)

This is me covered in shaving cream, silly string, paint, newspaper, streamers, and stickers. The smile on my face is 100% fake as the combination of all of those things on my sensitive skin was BURNING SO BAD. And, it didn't come off because it baked itself quite nicely onto me during the time I was in the sun. Then I had to walk all through Brock searching for a working photo-copier covered in that shit. IT SUCKED. However, these are my other favourite campers from my 'Zine camp (I get all the pretentious hipster camps, apparently). One day when it was raining at this camp, we decided to do some Mad Libs. There was one kid, who actually isn't in this picture, that laughed so hard because I let them use 'pee' and 'poo' in the Mad Lib that I thought he was actually going to pee his pants.
It was a good day.

This is me being attacked by gross smelly hungry deer (which I am afraid of) at Marine Land because my campers wanted to take a picture.
I HATE THESE DEER, but I did it for them.
Again, my smile is 100% fake because I'm mostly terrified.

That kid is going to have his ass handed to him

2008-05-02T23:30:00.001-05:00

I registered a child with the last name "Woodcock" yesterday.

I also noticed that there is a child with the last name "Littlejohn".

I thought there were procedures in place so kids don't have to grow up getting beat up because of their last name.

A good day

2008-04-30T21:09:00.006-05:00

So, today was awesome in the respect that I got to do some pre-camp work. Though it was mainly administrative, I got to think and talk about camp all day and I'm totally pumped.

One of my main tasks that took up 99% of my day was taking registration for camps. When parents called in to register their children for the camps that I've planned and am going to be running (totally patting myself on the back) I secretly wanted to tack on a few extra questions to the general information ones that I was required to ask.

Such questions included:
- On a scale of totally sucky to amazingly awesome, where would you place your child?
- How well does your child respond to constant sarcasim?
- What do you plan on packing in your childs lunch? And it's follow up - if necessary - Would you be willing to pack two of the delicious things?
- How often does your child bathe? (This should probably be a required question, in my opinion, as well as "If your child has gone through or is going through puberty, do they wear Deoderant?")
- Will your child bring me small treasures on a daily basis?

Obviously I would never ask a parent or child these things because that's not what a respectable camp counsellor would do, and I like every kid that comes through camp and think they all have something to offer.

However, I think I need to be firm on my stance on the personal hygene one. It's pretty important for the well-being of everyone.

Two thoughts

2008-04-28T22:01:00.003-05:00

My sister and I were talking the other day about what television networks are essential in our lives. We concluded that we could live with only 5-6 networks.

Ideal Cable Package for Kristina and Katherine Gottli:
- Food Network (Mainly for Mama Dean)
- Discovery (How It's Made for me and Dirty Jobs for her)
- The Documentary Channel (The conversation in the car was essentially "I saw a preview for this movie the other day..." "Was it a documentary?" "Yea" "I love documentaries")
- Spike (This is mostly for me, and mostly for "Disorderly Conduct". Ok, completely for me, and completely for "Disorderly Conduct") and finally,
- TLC

TLC is probably the one channel that is watched the most in our house, and really only on Monday nights.
Kristina, my Mom and I are pretty much love John and Kate Plus 8 (Or Asain Babies, as I like to call it, though not frequently because I feel like it's vaguely racist)

I don't know what it is about that family, but I can't get enough. Dinner conversations often revolve around my slight crush on John, how 'real' the family is (though this can be debated, obviously) and how I think Colin is Autistic.

Blog, I want to take this opportunity to apologize to you.
I seem to have drifted rather far from my original intentions for this, and feel increasingly insecure about what I'm telling you about.
I never wanted this to be a place where I just write about my day and the conversations I have (regardless of how HILARIOUS they are..............) because that's really boring and I'm probably the only person who cares about it.
I promise that I will have stories about hilarious kids for you soon.
Even though I'm the only one who cares about those too.
Atleast this isn't like my My-diary account from when I was 15 and all based around my hatred for Grade 9's, people who listen to Rap music, and the boys who didn't want to date me because I was chubby and awkward, right?
MAN, that would be embarrassing to look back on when you get a notification from the site 5 years later.

Gangie

2008-04-27T23:56:00.003-05:00

My grandma use to love watching Wrestlemania. Whenever my brother, sister and I were over at my grandparents house and it was on, we would watch it with her.

I am completely certain that the fact that I enjoy watching shows such as "Disorderly Conduct" and "COPS" is a direct result of her influence on my childhood.

I can only hope that this is passed on to my grandchildren as well.

Irrational Fear

2008-04-26T22:33:00.002-05:00

The worst Halloween at the Gottli household - for me atleast - was the year that my Mom discovered that 'Spooky sound-effects' cds were sold at the grocery store (this was probably circa 1998, maybe 1999)

The CD is essentially a mash-up of 'spooky' noises for people to play through speakers on their porch to add to the ambiance of the evening. For the most part, it's pretty corny in the sense that most of the sounds are horribly mixed so you can't tell really wheather what you're listening to is a scream, a moan or chains rattling. (Hey-o?)

However, for some reason, the CD creeps me right the fuck out. Whenever it is played, I can't be near the front of the house because it gives me creeps so badly that it ruins my night.

The only reason that I'm bringing this up is that I just had a panic attack washing my face because I heard something outside the washroom window that was a popular noise on the CDs. I know I just finished telling you how silly and unrealistic they are, blog, but everytime I hear wind chimes I think about those stupid CDs and all they represent and start to hyperventilate.

It is embarrassing that the one noise that seems to frighten me the most is wind chimes. I'm sorry, could I be afraid of something more quaint and soothing? Who thinks of scary things when they hear wind chimes. Probably just me. I think everyone else in the world thinks about laying out in the backyard as a warm summer breeze musses up their hair, gently strumming the wind chimes as it passes along.

For this reason, I feel that I am slowly going crazy.

YESYESYES

2008-04-25T14:24:00.002-05:00

The best way to celebrate being done a school year:

- cold chocolate milk
- Andrew W.K. on the radio cranked up to 11

Unprepared

2008-04-21T21:52:00.002-05:00

I'm a pretty good student.
I'm not the best, but I work pretty hard and go to class very regularily so I guess you could say I am a bit of a keener.

This semester I only have three exams which is totally awesome (thanks Drama!), and I'm pretty sure they're going to be some of the last exams I ever write at University.

That being said, I have also had mono for the last two weeks, and simply waking up and walking downstairs was strenuous enough to cause a mini-coma of a nap for the day.
Showering? Don't even get me started.
Have you ever had to sit down in the shower because you're so exhausted from washing your hair, but you know you have to shower because the fever that you've had for the last three days is making your a sweaty bitch? Yea. Didn't think so.
Needless to say, sleeping has taking a pretty huge priority over studying.

Yet, my body decides to get better (well, better enough) to convince the doctor that I don't need a doctor's note to get out of my two exams back to back.
Granted, one I studied quite a bit for (though my mark may not prove that), however the other one? Zero studying.

I have never in my life walked into an exam less prepared than I will tomorrow morning.
I'm talking zero studying. Like, the only thing I'm going to be able to talk about it what happened in class.

And, honestly, I don't really care. The exam is worth 10% of 60% of the class (it's a first year Drama course that is split in Drama in Education and Performance. I'm in the Drama in Ed part right now), so that's a 6% exam.
I can assure you that this is going to be the best exam that I have ever written in my life.

Don't know an answer? Who cares. I'll tell you about my day.
Can't decide for multiple choice? Whatever. Circle them all.
Can't figure out how to explain something? Easy. You take it, and you do it. Simple as that.

100% here I come.

Every year, seriously.

2008-04-17T10:35:00.003-05:00

Every summer I have one wish, despite the fact that it never happens rendering each summer a fail.

I want to go to the Toronto Zoo, and this year I'm thinking about just going by myself because that's the kind of shitty mood I'm in right now. (Thanks second week of Mono.)

Last summer because of my awesome job I got to go to Marine Land, which is a poor substitute to say the least, but it allowed me to see my favourite animals in the entire world.

Bears.

I love bears. I think they are hilarious and cute and blood-thirsty and so many wonderful things wrapped into a big furry package.
I wish I could have a pet one, but we all know how "Grizzly Man" ended.
THAT SHIT WAS REAL.

So, anyways, rather than simply going to see bears that look half-dead surviving solely on a Corn-Pop and Marshmallow diet at Marine Land, I can go see Grizzly Bears, and Polar Bears, and BEARS I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED walking around with the big furry butts at the Toronto Zoo.

Oh man, the butts make me laugh so hard.

Also, this post has launched me into approximately 45 minutes of watching animals fights on youtube.

Things I want right now

2008-04-11T17:58:00.001-05:00

A meatball sub.
Cookie.

You've probably seen this, but it makes me hysterically laugh

2008-04-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

Hold the pickles

2008-04-04T09:35:00.002-05:00

Sometimes you just see weird things at school.

Yesterday I saw an entire jar of massive pickles smashed on the ground in the area where the Niagara Falls and Welland buses stop.

It made me laugh.

BITCH, I AIN'T ASK FOR NO PICKLES.

Like looking into the future.

2008-04-01T23:23:00.005-05:00

So my current boyfriend is named Bryan. Bryan White to be exact.

Today, for some reason, rather than simply going to his facebook page to write something, I searched his name and a few other Bryan Whites came up.

Then I saw this, and almost shit a brick.

It's like someone went into the future and took a picture of us after we had eaten Big Macs for every meal for six consecutive years.

For reference, here are Bryan and I currently.

And here are Bizarro Bryan and Kat.

Maybe I've been awake for too long, but seriously. Add another hundred pounds on both us and BAM. This couple.

Except I would never allow a stupid picture like this to be taken unless it was completely sarcastic, and I would never use sepia.

Edit:

Bryan did not think this was nearly as hilarious as I did.
This is how the conversation went:

Kat: Did you see my blog? Didn't you think it was funny?
Bryan: You just found a picture of a guy who has facial hair like mine and thought it looked like a fat version of me.
Kat: The girl looks like me too...
Bryan: She has brown hair. That's it.
Kat:....I thought it was funny.

I'm a pretentious bitch

2008-03-31T23:50:00.003-05:00

I have a class on Monday that makes me want to stick forks in my ears, and gouge out my eyes.
Not because I don't like the class, but because of the people.

First year theatre majors are something else.
It will only be a short time until they realize that they are majoring in theatre at BROCK.

Let's be serious, you guys.
Come on now.

So, anyways, I often block out 99% of their conversations, and really only like a few people in the class because I'm a bitch (see above). But, I mean, if you met them...I'm thinking you might feel the same way.

Whatever, we were all stupid once, right? (Also pretentious...see above)

ANYWAYS, I have successfully found a way to clear the entire room of them when they think it's funny and avant guard to be singing early 90's television theme songs in show tune-esque voices when I'm legitimately trying to do work on my computer before class.

Boy 1: You know what show I really liked?
Boy 2: What?
Boy 1: Inspector Gadget (HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! YOU LIKED THAT SHOW TOO?? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER WATCHED IT BECAUSE IT WAS ON A CHANNEL EXCLUSIVE TO MY TELEVISION.)
Boy 2: Yea dude! That theme song was totally awesome. (OMG I HOPE YOU START SINGING IT.)

Boy 1 and 2 start singing, shortly joined by other students who feel it necessary to HARMONIZE with a CARTOON THEME SONG.

Kat (immediatly after they have finished): BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

My over the top reaction is followed by blank stares, and one girl saying "That was attractive", and then ALL OF THEM walking away.

I was kind of proud of myself.
I have enough friends already anyways.

It's been a depressing week

2008-03-28T13:22:00.000-05:00

I like to go to bookstores when I’m feeling sad and just walk around without a destination.
I try to stay away from the pretentious sections like World Politics, because I wouldn’t want someone to see me and think, “She’s just walking through there so people think she’s hyper intelligent and worldly.”
I’m neither of those things, so their assumptions would be correct.
I usually just walk through the fiction section and stop to look at the books that have nice covers. Sometimes I pick them up and start to read the back, but then I become completely disinterested and put it back.
I guess I’m really just hoping that someone sees me walking around and thinks that I might be an interesting person to talk to.
It usually makes me feel better.

In the name of the Pita

2008-03-27T23:39:00.000-05:00

I wanted a pita.
I wanted a pita so intensely that I was willing to go out of my way downtown on my way home from my boyfriends house at 11:30pm on a Thursday night in an icestorm.
Yea, I was serious about it.

I was pita-ing so hard that even after GETTING HIT BY A CAR my adventure was not derailed.

I was willing to enter the pita place, despite the fact that I could smell the alcohol emitting from the breath of the man inside who was currently harrassing the lovely girl at the till.

I was willing to wait for her to make my pita with love and care while said drunk man continually questioned my morality by asking me if I was hooker, then simply deciding that I was, and then hypothesize about what explicit acts I perform on my clients.

I challenge you to question the degree of which I love pitas.

(Also, just incase you're wondering and assuming the accident was my fault (Phil) it actually wasn't. I'm fine, the other people are fine, both cars have zero dammage. And my pita craving has been filled.)

Makes me feel at ease

2008-03-24T19:26:00.002-05:00

I like when I go to the doctor and tell him my symptoms of sore throat and not being able to swallow anything, and he says to me "Eeeeesh, do I really want to see that?".
Then, when he looks in my throat for a brief second, he says "Ughhhhhh, yea, that's really gross."
THEN, when he touched my neck to feel how swollen my glands are, and presses really hard which resulted in me squeeling like a little girl, he sarcastically says, "Oh, did that hurt?"

I wasn't mad though. It was kind of funny actually.

When I grow up

2008-03-16T16:59:00.000-05:00

When I grow up I want to spend cool spring nights sitting out on the balcony watching the vendors close up shop in the streets below.
I want to drink my too strong too burnt coffee from mugs adorned with slogans and pictures from roadtrips past, and refastened handles that add character.I
want a uniform of oversized worn-in plaid shirts, and pants as an option.
I want to wake up every morning to Joni Mitchell on the radio, and a scruffy looking cat perched on my stomach anxiously waiting to be pet.
I want to laugh at jokes that only we understand, and not feel like I have to explain them to anyone else.
I want to be able to hear music in my apartment, and not have to turn on the radio to do so. I want to live at a moderate pace, and die when I'm ready to. I'm in no hurry.
I want a crappy car, but have the right knowledge to fix it. I want to be able to drive with the windows down and my hair trailing behind me.
I want to spend nights lying on the roof of the car, drinking hot chocolate.
I want to have a closet full of worn in jeans and oversized cardigans, and never feel like I'm not in fashion.
I want to spend time with the people I love, and not feel like I have other things to put before them. I want to have knowledge that doesn't come from a classroom, but is just as valuable.
I want to be recognized for what I have done, and what I want to do, not by a number on a page.I want to be able to make mistakes and correct them in my own time.
I want to live in Montreal, and spend my time reading and re-reading Cohen's work -- living vicariously through his pessimistic ramblings.
I want to not know exactly what I'm going to be doing the next day, but not worry about it.
I want to be with you.

My three favourite conversations of the day (paraphrased, however)

2008-03-14T23:33:00.003-05:00

At lunch

Joe: I'll take the Mac, and you can have my shitty Dell.
Kat: Well, need I remind you what my Dell was like....that porn pop up virus...
Mom: YOU HAVE A PORN VIRUS ON YOUR NEW COMPUTER?
Kat: No, my old one. I was downloading a Karaoke program for Kristina, and a little thing came up that said 'This program may contain a Trogan virus'...
Joe: Wait...the internet even told you that it contained a virus, and you downloaded it anyways?
Kat: It said 'may', so I took my chances.

At the hair salon

Kat: I want it kind of asymetrical, like one side a little longer than the other...you know?
Stylist: Yea, I totally know what you mean. I did it on a mannaquin once.
Kat:.....................ok.

With Kimber

Kat: [He] is really super awkward, like, all the time.
Kimber: I don't understand how people aren't awkward. How do you live your life not awkward?

Scene 1

2008-03-13T11:20:00.002-05:00

"He's one of those guys that has a confrontational forehead, you know?"
"No, I don't."
"Like, if you were describing him to someone else, probably the first thing you would say is 'Dude's got a really mean lookin' forehead.' And people would know what you're talking about."
"I don't really know what you're talking about."
"Well, if you were to....say....have a brick surgically implanted about your eyebrows because you wanted to look more......dominant....I guess.....that's what he looks like."
"He probably just has very strong bone structure. What were his cheeks like?"
"Like two smaller bricks. Just as imposing."
"I think you should stop being so judgemental."
"Well, I'm just saying, I wouldn't want to be approached by someone with a forehead like that."

Spider Tap

2008-03-12T23:43:00.002-05:00

I miss being an English student

2008-02-22T22:25:00.002-06:00

Blues for X
- George Elliot Clarke

Pretty boy, towel you tears,
And robe yourself in black.
Pretty boy, dry your tears,
You Know I'm comin' back.
I'm your lavish lover
And I'm slavish in the sack.

Call me Sweet Potato,
Sweet Pea, or Sweet Pie,
There's sugar on my lips
And honey in my thighs.
Jos'phone Baker bakes beans,
But I stem pigtails in rye.

My bones are guitar strings
And blues the chords you strum.
My bones are slender flutes
And blues the bars you hum.
You wanna stay my man,
Serve me whisky when I come.

(I circled the last line, and wrote '--> Katie' beside it. These are the notes I have to go off of in seminar.)

Call me crazy.

2008-02-16T23:59:00.002-06:00

I have a little glass jar of peppermint Hersey Hugs sitting on my dresser.
It has been there since Christmas.
It's not that I don't want to eat them - because I do - I'm just afraid that once they're all gone you will be too.

Don't even imagine me naked

2008-02-09T23:44:00.000-06:00

Over the last week or so, I have been thinking about purchasing some sort of sexytime underwear.
The fact that I am in a relationship has very little to do with this (ok, mom?), more-so the fact that sometimes a girl would just like to feel sexy, and sexytime underwears is a good way to do it.

Yet, I have come to realization that I am probably the least sexy person on the face of the earth. My idea of 'sexy' underwear is cotton with little hearts on it.
I really don't think anyone would find that sexy unless you found 5 year olds sexy, in which case you wouldn't even be talking to me in the first place.

Wandering around the sexy underwear area of the underwears store makes me feel awkward. I don't know who is looking at me, seceretly judging me laughing at what I stop and consider.
Also, I feel awkward touching them. I know that these garments are eventually going to be used in order to enduce a boner, and that just grosses me out huge.

Futhermore, they are all thongs. Apparently the only way you can be sexy is with your butt hanging out.
I'm sorry, that just doesn't fly with this girl.

I think I would like some cotton under-shorts and an oversized t-shirt with a bear skiing on it for my sexytime.

Happy Valentines day baby. You're a pretty lucky dude.

Meet my parents, because they are cool

2008-01-06T23:44:00.000-06:00

Hey guys, that's my little Dad.

He's a pretty rad dude, and I love him a lot.

I just wanted to put up this picture, because he makes me laugh a lot when he smiles for pictures, because it's never really a smile...just a slight opening of the mouth. Or sometimes even just a straight face, which is always a nice juxtaposition to whatever stupid face my siblings and I are making.

He's really cool for a number of reasons:

- he makes pretty funny jokes most of the time

- he puts up with a lot of my shit

- like, a lot

- he is a hardworking, and very intelligent individual

- also a pretty sweet dancer

- he likes Abba

- sometimes I come down early in the morning, and he is watching television in other languages and then plays it off like he wasn't paying attention when I call him on it

- he buys me nice things, and doesn't get overly mad when I ruin them (mostly my car and computer)

- he teaches me Hungarian words and laughs when I say them totally wrong

- he puts up with my sister and I talking about tampons at the dinner table

- he doesn't make me take out the garbage always

- HE CREATED ME

You guys still here?

Ok sweet, that's my little Mom up there.

She's also really freaking rad, and also very fashionable.

I happen to love her a lot too, mostly because:

- she makes me laugh when she swears

- she doesn't get too mad when I swear

- she's smart and funny and witty

- also hardworking

- she also puts up with a lot of my shit, maybe more than my Dad (and just doesn't tell him about it)

- she takes me places that are fun

- she makes delicious food

- she taught me how to be a lady, even though I think I disappoint her a lot of the time

- she always smells nice

- she keeps a lovely home

- she loves us all very much, even though we piss her off sometimes

- she lets me have a pet crab in my room

- she uses MSN, and love emoticons which makes me laugh hysterically

- I can make her laugh, and it makes me feel pretty good

- SHE ALSO CREATED ME (it takes two people you guys, I don't know if you know)

Ok, that's it.

I'll cry about it later

2008-01-06T23:36:00.000-06:00

I came to the realization today that I am so incredibly emo.
I'm not proud of it, but I really don't think that I can help it.

I promise not to start wearing a severe side-part, or wrist bands, or even black skinny jeans on a daily basis...but, aside from my apperance, I really don't think that I can change who I really am.

I like sad music.
It seems as though all my favourite songs are about breaking up, or about having a terrible life.
I CAN'T HELP IT IF THEY ARE PRETTY.

I also really enjoy literature, but more specifically literature about isolation and despair.
Why? I don't know.
I CAN'T HELP IT IF IT MAKES ME REALIZE THINGS ABOUT LIFE.

Also, I really like My Chemical Romance.

Hallejuah, holy shit.

2007-12-23T00:24:00.000-06:00

Dinner with the Gottli's pt.2

2007-12-22T00:22:00.001-06:00

It seems as though whenever it is just me eating dinner with my parents, the most hilarious things happen.

Case 1 - Three Part Harmony
One night, my Dad was feeding my little dog from the table. Suzy has a trick that we get her to speak (SHE IS THE ONLY DOG THAT DOES THIS) by saying 'Say please!'- we're a polite family - but my Dad like to switch it up sometimes, and just assume that my dog understands what he's asking of her.

This particular night, my Dad chose "Sing for me Suzy", to which my dog had no idea what to do. Suzy simply started cycling through all of her tricks, hoping that one would land her the delicious piece of meat that my Dad was dangling just out of her reach.
None of her tricks, however, were up to my Dad's liking.

Suzy was getting increasingly disgrunteld, and simply starting whining because she had no idea what to do. This promted my Dad to start whining with her, developing a very meloncholy duet. Straight faced mind you.

My Mom, seeing this as an opportunity to exercise her vocal ability started with a "Rowr rowr rowr rowr", straight faced as well, until my Dad finally gave in and gave my poor little pup a treat.

No one but me was home to witness this, but I assure you it happened.

Case 2 -Dog at the door
Suzy thinks that if she goes outside during dinner, only to return in in 5 seconds she will get a treat, so she will spend most of dinner sitting at the back door scratching and barking.
Because I often sit closest to the door, it is my responsibility to let her out.
The other evening, she was driving me crazy, and the following conversation ensued.

Suzy scratching relentlessly.

Kat - NO! I know you don't have to pee.

Suzy continues with more vigour, periodically looking back at me with "feed me" eyes.

Kat - Seriously, stop. I know you just want food.

Suzy now begins to whine, while still scratching. Claw marks soon appear on the door.

Kat - I'm going to kill you.

Mom (with expert comedic timing) - No she's not, that's an idle threat.

Case 3 - Dad's lunch
Dad - So, I have a lawyers lunch to go to tomorrow. All the staff is going out for lunch together - we do it once a month.

Kat - GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Dad (defensively) - GIRLS ARE GOING TOO!

Case 4 - Lazy man
When we were done eating, my Mom started to clear the table, but only took my plate and hers, leaving my Dad to finish.
Noticing that my Mom was clearning the table, my Dad quickly finished his dinner, and held out his plate, only to have my Mom turn her back to him and take our dishes to the dish washer.
Dad slowly returns him outstretched arm and plate to his place setting, and hangs his head in defeat.

For Courtney

2007-12-14T20:15:00.001-06:00

First attempt = huge awesome fail

Second attempt = lesser fail

My heart hurts - the extended version

2007-12-13T18:47:00.000-06:00

I just wrote a petit little note on my facebook about this, but I am genuinely upset about what I saw the other day, so I am going to write a blog on it.

While driving the other day, I saw some children sledding down a giant snow pile in the Wal-Mart parking lot. When I say sledding, I mean sledding with a little red sled and everything.
These kids were probably no older than 10, but there they were, riding down that thing having the time of their lives.

I think we all know by now that I love children, and only want to best for them. I think that a lot of times they are overlooked, and people just don't give a shit about them because they think that because they are small, their opinions and ideas are small - and generally, they aren't.
It makes me so upset to think that a parent would actually allow their kid to sled down a hill covered in garbage and chemicals that have accumlated in the parking lot without thinking twice about it.

Maybe they did know, I don't know. But, even then, why would you let your kid do that? Do you not know that CARS drive in PARKING LOTS, and it would be incredibly easy for your kid to slide down that hill right into a car? Seriously, use your fucking heads stupids.

Secondly, that Wal-Mart area on Fourth ave. is so disgustinly commercialized, that taking a picture of those kids sledding down a hill in the parking lot would probably make environmentalists orgasim all over the place. What better fuel to the anti-commercial, anti-industrial idea than to show children engaging in typical child like activities, but being reduced to doing it in a parking lot because the natural environment of the area has been paved over.

They should probably stick a swimming pool and sand-box in there for the summer too.

Really you guys.

2007-12-03T20:11:00.000-06:00

You know what I mean

2007-11-28T18:58:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I forget what songs I have on my computer.
Occassionally, it will surprise me and play me a song that I haven't heard in a while and it always makes me yell "OHHHHHHHH MYYY GODDDDDD", and then instantly start to dance around like a maniac.

It happened today when Strict Machine by Goldfrapp came on.

So freaking good.

Big ol' blog of tampons

2007-11-26T00:29:00.000-06:00

If you are at all grossed out by womanly bodily functions, do not read this blog. Even though it is not about said functions explicitly, the main focus of the blog surrounds womanly acutriments, so don't get grossed out, ok guys?

My sister asked me to write a new blog, and I haven't written one in a while because nothing hilarious enough to blog about has happened. BUT THEN I remembered something that happened the other day at the grocery store that I thought you might to hear about, blog.

One Saturday afternoon I was out getting groceries for my family, and remembered that I had to get tampons because the supply was running low.

As the feminin products are way on the other side of the grocery store, the box of tampons that I picked up happened to be right on the top of my buggy, making it highly visible for other grocery store patrons, as well as employees.

Now, I should probably state that this was no regular box of tampons, as much as it was a giant fucking box of tampons. Ladies, and maybe gentlemen, I don't know, think of the size of a regular box of tampons. Ok, you have that image? A little box, usually containing 30 or so tampons, right? Now imagine, if you will, a box of 100 tampons and how massive that mo-fo must be, right?
Yea, that's the box I got. Not only was it on sale, there is a long standing joke in my family about a big ol' bag of tampons that I may tell you at one point, but probably not now because it is significantly more personal than this blog, and I just don't know if we're at that stage in our relationship yet. Don't pressure me, ok?

So, I'm pushing my buggy through the store, and find a check out aisle that has lesser people than normal, and think this is a perfect opportunity to purchase my big box of tampons discretly as to avoid the obvious assumptions that others are bound to make about my womanhood.

However, I happened to pick the aisle with probably the most chatty woman I have ever met in it, who immediately spotted the box of tampons. Her eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store, and I immediately regretted my decision to choose that aisle, but I was far past the point of no return as two other families had pulled in directly behind me.

"WOW! Where did you find those??" The stupid woman asked me immediately, not only speaking more loud than comfortable, but also dramatically pointing at my tampons.

"Uhh, just over with the rest of them," I replied, hoping to avoid anymore awkward conversations about tampons, which is certainly not my ice-breaker of choice. (Hey baby, I see you have a big box of tampons there...I guess you're pretty fertile, eh?)

"I don't think I've ever seen a box of tampons that large before, how much are they?" The woman continued as my face turned a deeper shade of red than the tomatos that were being covered by said box.

"I think they were something like $8 or something..."

"WOW! $8?? That's a bargin for a box of tampons that big!" she said, significantly louder than the rest of the conversation.

"Yea, I guess. I saw them and thought it was a pretty good deal"

"Yea, no kidding! That will last you like 8 months, right?" She smiled.

I sincerely hoped that this is where the conversation would end, as I responded to her rather intrusive question with a half-smile.

"Right??" she continued.

Who was this woman, my fucking gyno? Did she honestly think that I was going to continue this conversation? But, despite the fact that I had "I want to punch you right in the mouth" written all over my face, she persisted, and I finally responded with a "Yea, I'm assuming so," to which she replied "Well, I should hope so!"

Needless to say, I was at a lovely state of highly embarrassed and furious (embarrious?) and really sincerely hoped that everyone around me was deaf and couldn't read lips so I wouldn't have to continue the conversation with anyone else who I didn't know.

So, I start unloading my groceries, finally, onto the conveyer belt, and the first thing the check-out girl says to me is, "WOW! That's a great deal for all those tampons, eh?"

I almost left all the groceries there.

SRSLY

2007-11-25T23:52:00.001-06:00

You know when things just feel right?
I like that feeling.

Like, a lot.

We were greeting the sun before long

2007-11-17T16:21:00.000-06:00

FACT
I love winter.
I love the snow, I love the cold, I love the sweaters, I love the pink noses, I love the fresh air, I love the Evergreens, I love it all.

Every winter it seems as though I inadvertently create a winter them song for myself. Whenever the first snow fall occurs, whatever song happens to be playing in my car/the car I am in becomes my winter theme song.

Past hits have included "July" by Dashboard Confessional, and "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead.
Usually they are kind of slow and depressing because that's the kind of girl I am. (Mostly slow)

This year, I would like to inform you that my winter theme song is "Challengers" by The New Pornographers.

If you ever want to make my heart melt, play me that song when it's snowing and I will probably kiss you forever.

Also

2007-11-12T15:09:00.000-06:00

I hope one day I become a famous pop star so I can make stupid fucking album covers like this one.

Here are a few of my specific problems:

-sensory overload

-he's clearly constipated

If babies were born with Baleen mouths

2007-11-12T14:44:00.000-06:00

Do you want to work at the Brock Press?

Here are a few things you should know.

We often talk about the following subjects on a weekly basis:

- ugly babies

- babies born with a full set of teeth

- babies born with Baleen (see photo) rather than teeth

- deformed babies

- unicorns

- horses riding in cars (Patches - the coolest horse ever - Youtube that shit)

- the internet

- W.O.W. (mostly Phil)

- how horrible most of us are sometimes

Specifically today, we were talking about babies with Baleen mouths.

Now you know.

100th post

2007-11-08T13:07:00.000-06:00

It's a party you guys, this is my 100th post.
Maybe you've read other posts, or maybe you think blogs are pretentious and self-indulgent and hate everything about our society.
If you have read other posts, I would like to offer you a little piece of information about my life so you get to know me better. That's what you get as your present...a little piece of me.
If you think blogs are pretentious, I would like to offer you also a little piece of me, but it would be more my foot in your ass than something good. Sorry...should have shown up to the party earlier.

The whole point of me starting this blog was so that I could share hilarious stories about kids with the internet. Novel, I know.
Yet, after posting only once about kids, I realized that I would run out of ideas very quickly, so instead decided to write about stuff that no one really cares about...my life mostly.

I think it's pretty clear that children are my favourite kind of people (not sexually though you guys, gross), mostly because they are funny and, for the most part, un-tainted by the world.

However, I bet you didn't know that I also really love old people. Even though a lot of times I don't really know what to talk about with them, and sometimes I say inapproproate things, they are my second favourite type of people.

Actually, kids and old people are my only favourite type of people for the most part. Everyone inbetween kind of sucks, and often I don't like them.

Kids are funny and un-tainted, and old people are endearing and tainted to the point that most of what they say is ridiculous, making them also funny.

Today at the dentist, an elderly gentleman was standing waiting to make his next appointment. When I went up to the counter to do the same, he looked at me with quite a confused look on his face, and said "Can I ask you a question...because I'm an only man and don't really know about these things."
I responded with a hesitant, "Ok".

"Well, I was just curious about this (points to his upper lip where I have a piercing). Why do people do that? Is it some sort of high that I am missing out on?"

"Well...." I replied, "I don't know....it's just something differ..."

He cuts me off with "I was in Wal-Mart yesterday buying some shoes and the girl who was helping me had all these holes (points to every part of his nose where a piercing might be possible) and I just don't get it..."

"Well...people just like to get them...."

Cuts me off again. "I also saw this 374 lb woman (that was the actual number he said) with all these pictures all up and down her arm, and you know what I thought? She must have worked in a prison or something..."

(Nervous laughter by both the receptionist and myself)

"If a woman like that looked at you and said..(he said this in a womanly scruffy voice) Make your bed...you know what? You would do it lickity-split".

I actually burst out laughing, because I thought it was really funny.
I think the man liked that, so he playfully punched me in the arm with a "Am I right?", and then walked out of the office.

Irrational fears

2007-11-06T23:07:00.000-06:00

Unlike a robot, I have emotions.
One of my perhaps more prominent emotions is fear, as I often can be confused with a small baby.
I enjoy bing scared, and often allow myself to be stuck in situations when I have to deal with frightening situations first-hand (ie. Haunted Wonderland, walking through the woods at night).

However, I do happen to have a number of completely irrational fears that I feel should be made public. Maybe if I write them down, and see how ridiculous they are, I won't be afraid of them anymore.
Right?

Things I'm Afraid of that are Stupid
- a list compiled by Katherine Gottli
1. Balloons
2. Someone/creature grabbing me through the shower curtain and killing me.
3. Someone/creature busting their hand through the front windown of my house when I'm turning the alarm system on, killing me.
4. Someone watching me through the side door window while I pee at night in the bathroom with the door open
5. Someone climbing up on to my room and cutting my screen to break in when I sleep with my window open
6. Me tripping and falling down an entire flight of stairs when I happen to be wearing a skirt and no underwear
7. Not wearing underwear
8. Hitting a pebble on the highway and flipping my car and dying
9. My crab getting out of its tank and pinching my nose in the night
10. The picture above my bed falling off the wall during an earthquake and smashing my face/killing me

I not really afraid of not wearing underwear, I'm just more afraid that that's the day that someone asks to borrow my pants.

You hear some pretty awesome things at Wal-Mart sometimes

2007-11-04T20:22:00.001-06:00

The other day I was at Wal-Mart looking for a little pair of slippers for class.

My feet get cold, and a lot of my classes require me to be barefoot. I do not like this.

So, the shoe section in Wal-Mart is right be the sexy underwears section, which allowed for me to witness this.

Which was followed shortly by my reaction of this.

This shit is bananas

2007-10-31T09:48:00.000-05:00

FACT
If you are driving and trying to peel a banana, you will seriously compromise your driving abilities.

FACT
If you happen to peel the banana successfully, the chances of it breaking and falling off into your car are high.

FACT
Driving with half a banana rolling around in a mysterious place in your car is more terrifying than one might imagine.

FACT
Trying to locate that half of a banana while driving is probably more dangerous than peeling it in the first place.

FACT
It is possible for the banana to roll under your break, and for it to be smooshed all over your car mat.

FACT
Getting banana out of a car mat fucking sucks.

Have you heard of a 'Dollarstore'?

2007-10-28T17:54:00.000-05:00

Dollarstores are pretty awesome for a large variety of reasons, mainly the reason that you can find some pretty hilarious things there and it's not weird to buy them just for fun because they are only a dollar.

That was one sentence.

One time at a dollar store, I found a vat of underwear.

Another time I found little pills that you can put into warm water and they magically change into sponge things like ghosts and Frankensteins.

The best time, however, was when I found a stick on moustache and eyebrow set.

An open letter to the world

2007-10-25T18:30:00.001-05:00

Hello

I writing this because sometimes I'm a big huge douche-bag asshole, and often times I don't mean the things I say.

Sometimes there are many varying external factors that cause me to act as such, but, really, I shouldn't be blaming anything because it is my own decision to treat people badly, not whatever shitty thing that is going on in my life.

I really like you, I swear. I pretty much like everyone ever, unless they are really horrible and have murdered or raped someone. Even then, maybe there's some redeeming quality about them. Perhaps they are really good at making pies.

So, really, I guess what I'm trying to say in the least direct way possible is that I'm sorry for being mean to a lot of people lately, because I really don't mean anything I say, and often come home and cry about it because I feel really incredibly horrible, but don't know how to apologize without being embarrassed or telling you the exact reason why I'm being so horrible to you, which would probably make me more embarrassed than anything ever.

I'm a nice girl, I swear. Just sometimes I suck really hard.

(not penises)

Pros and Cons

2007-10-21T21:39:00.000-05:00

I saw Across the Universe last night, and let me tell you, I was impressed.
I don't care if you're a pretentious Beatles fan (Oh...hey Phil...) who doesn't think that Beatles music should be used in such a fashion, because to you I would say 'Up yours you pretentious Beatles fan...take things for what they are. Also, Paul never really died BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING".

Immediately after seeing the movie, I came home and illegally downloaded the soundtrack, because I have a huge monster crush on any boy that looks like Jim Sturgess and can sing like Jim Sturgess and can kiss me forever like Jim Sturgess.
When he sings 'All My Loving' I think my heart melts every single time, and also I cry because I want him to be standing 1cm away from my face singing to me.

However, I was a little bit disappointed with the soundtrack for the following reasons.

1) The song 'Don't Let Me Down', which was song so amazingly in the movie, and is quite possibly my favourite Beatles song was not on it.
2) 'Something' does not include the incredibly sexy a capella first chorus that was in the movie.
3) 'Why Don't We Do It In The Road' is also not included, which, really, is probably one of the best Beatles songs. (I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T AGREE...GOSH GET OFF MY BACK)
4) 'All You Need Is Love', which, I think, was probably the best song performed in the movie is not on there. Also, it's from the scene that almost made me explode with tears, so I want to relive that over and over again as I secretly dream that I am Evan Rachel Wood and Jim Sturgess was my real life boyfriend/husband.
5) I hate the song 'It Won't Be Long', and I don't like Evan Rachel Wood's voice on it. Also, she's dating Marylin Manson...apparently he's responsible for a bunch of school shootings or something? I don't know. That's what Fox news said.

So, really, there were a bunch of songs that I wanted so badly to be on there, but they weren't. That's my beef.

However, I got to thinking about another Beatles covers soundtrack of one of my other favourite movies 'I Am Sam'. Also, I feel like I'm sharing a lot of personal information right now that I don't know if I want people to know and judge me because of it. (She likes I Am Sam? Oh man...I thought she was cool..... I'm still cool you guys. Srsly.)

That soundtrack is really freaking good, if only for the Stereophonics cover of 'Don't Let Me Down', as well as 'Golden Slumbers'.

So, I'm going to take this opportunity to send an invitation to Jim Sturgess to come and sing to me in my bed.
First he can start with 'Ive Just Seen A Face', my favourite song from the movie and the soundtrack while he realizes that we are destined to be together, and kissing me ever so softly on the face.
Then, he can continue on with 'Don't Let Me Down', after he proposes to me to be his girlfriend/wife forever.
Finally, he can sing 'Golden Slumbers' while he lays me down to sleep after a passionate row of love making (It would be love making, not some other vulgar term for it. We have that type of relationship you guys. All romantic like) and then whisper it in my ear while I am the little spoon.

After a little nap, he could jump out of bed, make me a sandwich - preferrably roast beef with mustard, thank you - and then sing me 'Why Don't We Do It In The Road', to which I would agree whole heartedly and have no reservations about my gross little body because I'm bangin' the hottest fucking dude ever.

Yup, that's great.

CONTEST

2007-10-18T15:45:00.000-05:00

Seriously.

Write me a story using only the 100 most common words in the English language, and I'll buy you a coffee and donut, or perhaps even dinner depending on how much I like you.

The First Hundred
the
of
and
a
to
in
is
you
that
it
he
was
for
on
are
as
with
his
they
I
at
be
this
have
from
or
one
had
by
word
but
not
what
all
were
we
when
your
can
said
there
use
an
each
which
she
do
how
their
if
will
up
other
about
out
many
then
them
these
so
some
her
would
make
like
him
into
time
has
look
two
more
write
go
see
number
no
way
could
people
my
than
first
water
been
call
who
oil
its
now
find
long
down
day
did
get
come
made
may
part

OK GET WRITING THIS IS A CONTEST YOU GUYS

Toilet blunders pt. 2

2007-10-12T10:07:00.000-05:00

Hey family.
How are you guys? Well?
I'm well too, thanks for asking.

I just wanted to let you know that if I walk into a bathroom one more fucking time and there is no fucking toilet paper, and I don't realize until after my business has been executed, I am going to move out.
Seriously.
This has happened twice this week, which I don't even understand because no one is ever home enough to constitute two entire toilet paper rolls gone.

I'm not changing them anymore either. If you guys want to be jerks and leave them empty, or with two sheets (I'm looking at you Kristina) and then it's me who walks in and there's nothing there, you're silly to think I'm going to do anything nice like change the roll. How does it feel walking in there and having to use Kleenex? Not too good, right? Yea. EVERY DAY I FEEL THAT WAY.

It's not even like we live in the bus station downtown, or in Thistle Hallway at Brock where these types of things may be acceptable, and when it happened to me before I wasn't nearly as p.o.-ed as I am right now.
We live in a nice house, in a nice neighbourhood where I'm sure all the other homes have an abundance of toilet paper, that, if this is the whole reason behind the sudden lack of it in our home, they would lend us some so we don't have to sit in the bathroom wondering what the hell to do after you pee and there's nothing there to clean up with. I'm sure other families don't screw over their other family members by not changing the roll after then have used it all, why do we continue to do so.

Ok. Sorry if that was mean spirited. But, seriously now.
I don't think it's uncalled for, right?
xo
Kat.

Dear St. Catharines

2007-10-10T21:53:00.000-05:00

Guys, seriously.

I'm so upset with you right now that I can't even write an eloquent letter expressing my utter disdain for how you voted today.

Just because dude is old, doesn't mean you have to be nice to him.

How about a little change, ok?

Seriously.

xo
Kat.

p.s. - Buddy is a fucking dick too. Did you know that? Dancing around questions with statistics and buzz words does not make for a good politician.
p.p.s. - My Dad told me today that I would understand this better when I'm older. I certainly hope that never happens.

Cranbrerry Sauce

2007-10-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

I have one job at Thanksgiving dinner, as I am a terrible cook and my mom doesn't want me to screw anything up.

While the job maybe isn't that important, it makes me feel like I'm contributing something to the delicious meal that my mom (and sometimes my sister) create, as well as makes me feel like a woman as I am in the kitchen and cooking (though marginally).

I always make the cranberry sauce, and most years don't screw it up too badly. And it's not the kind that you just dump out of a can and heat up, you jerks, it's with ACTUAL cranberries, and requires a great deal of patience and love because you have to stand there and stir it for a whole 10 minutes or else it will burn and you will ruin Thanksgiving dinner (trust me). You need to include the love because it's for your family, and if you hate what you're doing, why even bother, right?

I've screwed up a few times though, like the one year that the sugar to cranberry ratio was off and no one ate it because it was too bitter, and then another time when the same ratio was off and it was like candy and really thick so you had to chew it a lot more and it got stuck on your teeth. But, that time, everyone ate it because it actually tasted good.

Still though, no one ever really eats it, other than an obligatory spoon full that they kind of pick at then spread around their plate to look like they ate it, because they feel bad when I ask "How's the cranbrerry sauce?". Then they can respond with "Oh, it's good!" because it makes me feel good even though it probably tastes really gross, and they just don't want me to feel bad.

I think this year went well, however, as I only made it with half a bag of cranberries rather than then the whole bag so there's less to throw out after it sits untouched in the fridge for a week.

I have a lot to be thankful for, and I think the biggest thing is a family who humours my pathetic attempts at being a girl.

Thanks you guys.

Google yourself

2007-10-03T20:37:00.000-05:00

I work for a newspaper, so when I google my name (because I'm vain like that) I am not surprised when the articles that I have written come up. (If that sounded conceited, it was supposed to)

Today, however, I looked up my name on google because I was concerned that my facebook profile would show up there (it didn't so you can keep taking drunk and high pictures of me and tagging them, it's ok you guys) but then found that I have been quoted somewhere that I didn't know about.

Well, I did know about it because my boss told me to write about my summer camp experience, but I didn't think she would be putting it on the INTERNETS!

Also, please disregard how corny I sound...as true as it may be.

Whatever, I don't care what you think of me, gawd. Like I need your stupid friendship.

I'm probably going to delete this post in 2 days when I realize that I'm embarrassed by it

2007-10-03T20:15:00.000-05:00

I hate the word dildo.
Like, more than cunt.

I think it's vulgar, and 100 per cent inappropriate in any situation, and I don't care if your grandma thinks it's funny, it's not.

Please don't call people dildos, or refer to dildos in any other situation unless it's a porn.
Actually, even if it is porn, do not call it a dildo.
It's a rubber fucking weiner - literally - and should be referred to as such.

I don't know what it is about the word, but I want to projectile vomit every single time I see or hear it.

Dear person who invented the word dildo:
I'm curious as to why you had to poison the world with such filth.
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
xo,
Kat.

My favourite things in the world

2007-09-29T19:19:00.000-05:00

I only have a few favourite things in the entire world, so here they are in list form so when you feel like cheering me up because I'm having a horrible day/week/month (kind of like this one), you can refer to this list and do everything on it for me.

1. The 3 second pause a child takes after he/she falls to see if someone noticed, and whether or not it's worth crying.
2. Parades
3. 80's power ballads sung in the most ridicuously emotional way possible with as many fist pumps/lunges/fist pump lunges as possible
4. When my little dog curls up right beside me as tight as she can because she's freezing cold
5. Watching horrible horror movies with my sister, brother, Katie and Kimber.

Ok, now make me happy please.

The 13 year old inside me is dead, pt. 2

2007-09-23T23:24:00.001-05:00

Dear The Backstreet Boys:

How are you? Well I hope, considering your career died a long time ago and you're still trying to grab at those few remaining glimmers of hope to try and salvage your career. They're fading fast though, so better get a move on.
I'm doing well, thanks for asking.

I have a few things to discuss with you regarding you upcoming album 'Unbreakable'.

First of all, please stop titling all your songs and albums with single negative words. You're first single of this album is called 'Inconsolable'. I am already too depressed to even continue talking about it because you can't seem to name anything with a positive spin. I have a few suggestions that. How about 'Consolable', or perhaps 'Thank you for your comforting hug, I appreciate you kind gesture'. The second title has more than one word too, so, really, it will make it look like you're trying a little more, and not trying to be pretentious pricks who think naming all their songs with one word makes you deep.
It doesn't. As stated above, it makes you sound like a pretentious prick.

Secondly, please get rid of Nick Carter.
I have hated him since you formed back in 1994, and have never stopped hating him for the following reasons:
1) He's a douche.
2) He has the stupidest looking face I have ever seen.
3) He is the stupidest person I have ever heard speak.
4) He's been infected by the Hilton virus, and finally,
5) He has the more ridiculous tattoos I have ever seen.

I heard that Kevin isn't coming back? Maybe trade Nick up for him. Atleast Kevin's eyebrows are more interesting to watch that Nick fall further and further in the emotional hole that he has dug for himself.

Did any of you guys even watch House of Carters? Seriously. I think I punched the television about 4 million times each episode, then proceeded to punch myself (though to a lesser extent) because I was ashamed that I watched it. How could you let him back and ditch Kevin? He's the solo tenor voice of the group. You can all reach those high notes like Nick, but I would like to see your unic asses try and reach the low ones like Kevin.

Yea, didn't think you could.

Also, is A.J. all clean now? Because, really, that was incredibly entertaining, and I would prefer if he wasn't so Chris Rock could make inappropriate jokes on National television at his expense.
A.J., weren't you totally pissed right off at him? Man, I would have slapped him silly.
But, I bet you're better than that because you're a 'pop-star' and you have an 'image' to uphold. Couldn't your image include slapping Chris Rock upside the head because the entire world finds him incredibly irritating?
It's not a hate crime, I promise.
You'd actually be doing everyone a favour.

That's about it.
I never really liked you guys anyway, I was more of an N*SYNC girl myself. However, since it seems as though they're never coming back thanks to J.T. being way fucking cool, I would like to think that your 2nd (maybe 3rd) comeback will actually allow for the continuation of my inner pre-teen soul.

Don't fuck it up.
I have some blue eyeshadow and pink frosty lip-gloss waiting for when you come back on tour.

xo
Kat.

Two questions

2007-09-22T14:41:00.001-05:00

1) How did this happen?

2) Am I a pedophile?

Talkin' bout my generation

2007-09-18T15:46:00.000-05:00

While driving down Lakeshore today to the bank, I happened to pass a young little chap who could not have been over the age of ten. Normally, this would not bother me, but today I was actually heartbroken at what parents do to their children at such a young age.

I'm 678 per cent certain that this boys parents are white trash, as well as 100 per cent racist, making them the worst possible human beings on the face of the earth.
I know that people are racist, and sometimes even I am a little bit racist (shocking, I know. I bet you thought - judging from my eloquent speech that never contains any cuss words or derogatory comments - that I am without fault. Sorry to disappoint you.), but it's when racism is passed down in such a direct manner as it was in this case, I get incredibly upset.

This child was wearing a sleeveless shirt with armpit holes down to his belly button (THE WORST) that was the entire Confederate flag.

I can only assume that the curtains in his room are actually flags that have slogans sprawled across them such as 'Get 'er done', and 'White Power'...though he probably has no idea what any of this means because he is a child, and is simply allowing the information his terrible parents are forcing upon him to permeate his brain.

I hope that my children are never like this ever, though I probably shouldn't worry too much because I like to think that I'm not a terrible human being.

My children will wear shirts plastered with Unicorns, and condoms because Unicorns are majestic, and I 'aint want my little boy to be no baby daddy.

Google search: zombie + dream

2007-09-12T22:43:00.000-05:00

As of late, it seems as though my subconscious has been obsessed with Zombies.

First of all, I indirectly choose Zombie movies to watch from Blockbuster .The Serpent and The Rainbow was the latest choice, which, upon first glance seemed to have nothing to do with Zombies, but rather Serpents and Rainbows -- quite possibly the scariest combination ever -- though it turned out to be the story of an American pharmaceutical agent traveling to Haiti in a time of political unrest where the leader of the militant government was turning the dead into Zombies with his voodoo magic.
The movie sucked huge though. Bill Pullman of While You Were Sleeping fame played the American, so I think you can all draw your own conclusions from that.

Also, I have been dreaming incessantly about Zombies. At least every other day, I will wake up a) crying, or b) sweating profusely because I have been chased by Zombies in my dreams. In every single one as well, I have to punch through some ceiling, usually in a storage room or bathroom in order to get away from the Zombies in just the nick of time.
The ceiling is always that gross coffee stained looking ceiling too, and it crashes all over my face. Gross out.

For some reason, in every dream, it is me who has to save then entire fucking human race from these Zombies, and I ALWAYS wake up right before I find out whether or not I could do it. I mean, that's a whole lot of responsibility, and I would like to know if I was able to do it or not covered in gross ceiling tile.

Each time the Zombies turn people into Zombies in different ways. For the first couple nights, it was simply biting the other person, which I think is pretty standard Zombie code. However, last night I dreamt that the only way that the Zombie could turn a human into a Zombie would be to throw a tiny little Dixie cup of blood at them.
So, in my dream, all these Zombies are chasing people with little tiny cups of blood to throw at their faces.

Can someone please explain to me how I could be afraid of something as dainty as that. I'm pretty sure they had a puppy design or something on them too.

Instead of just knocking the cup out of the Zombies hand though, I had to go busting through that fucking ceiling again.

Honestly.

Please don't leave me to save the world from an ever growing Dixie cup throwing Zombie race.

I need to get out more

2007-09-11T22:54:00.000-05:00

Serious time

2007-09-10T00:28:00.000-05:00

2007-09-08T23:37:00.001-05:00

My sister showed me this video a long time ago, and I forgot about it until tonight.

Almost 100 per cent of my love for it can be directly attributed to Zach Galifianakis.

I guess I'll just go then...

2007-09-08T23:24:00.000-05:00

A safe assumption, I'd say

2007-09-08T00:23:00.001-05:00

For realsies

2007-09-06T13:08:00.000-05:00

I think if a boy ever played me the song 'Hit Parade' by The Details, I would marry him.
Also, if he blared it outside my window in a Lloyd Doppler-eaque fashion, I may even go down on him too.

This concerns me

2007-09-05T21:22:00.000-05:00

For the following reasons:

1) It was found on the ground in my room, with seemingly no near entry point

2) It was found while I was changing my sheets

3) It may have friends

4) Its friends may be bigger

5) Its bigger friends may be in my bed

Mom, don't read this

2007-09-05T19:44:00.000-05:00

I've put a lot of thought in to only a few things, as I am a very spur of the moment type of person (Spur of the moment = huge procrastinator). Also, does that last sentence make me sound like a pretentious douche bag applying for an online dating service?
If so, please ignore it.

However, I have put a lot of thought into this post.

If I were ever to become a stripper, I think that I would like my stripper song to be "Turtle Blues", by Janis Joplin.
In my mind, which has been finely crafted by the completely realistic and unbiased views of Hollywood and the like, being a stripper is an excuse to be someone you're not, kind of like highschool and first year of post-secondary education.
No one wants to be knows as a stripper, I'm assuming, and therefore take on completely different personas when engaging in their profession, which would explain why some women wear slutty school girl costumes, or even slutty plant ones.
I have also never been to a strip club, so I could be ENTIRELY off the mark with the assumption that the strippers dress up.
(I'm starting to lose my confidence in this post).

So, with all that aside, I would like that to be my song for the following reasons.

1) It's a blues song, and therefore kind of slow. I am not entirely sexy, and am certainly not the most co-ordinated person you will ever meet, so having a slow song would mean that I wouldn't have to do a whole lot of pole swinging and shaking my junk. I could just slide around stage, occassionally taking off an article of clothing (gross), and maybe slide down the pole at the end or something. I haven't really put a whole lot of thought into the actual dance because I don't ever anticipate it happening, but having a general idea is good just incase one night I decide to drink an entire bottle of whiskey and get crazy.

2) I do not have a very nice body, and therefore would like to take as long as possible to take my clothes off, if at all. Do you think they let strippers walk around in jeans and a t-shirt, and show only an ankle or something? I would like to be that stripper.

3) I would certainly not be a high-class stripper (see reasons 1 and 2 above), so dancing to this song at a dirty strip club would be more than acceptable. I would probably know all the old gross men by name who came to see me, and would ask them to light my cigarrette (I would be smoking on stage, just to add to the class) on stage at opportune moments in the song. As the piano kicks in, I could lean down to Hank and ask for a light. Hank would love it, but probably not tip me because he is old and dirty and cheap.

4) This song in no way shape or form represents anything about myself. Just read the lyrics, and reverse everything about them, then the song would be about me. Except the part about just going out drinking and bringing me along, you can keep that the same. This is why I feel it's an appropriate song to dance to, because I really don't want gross old men thinking that I'm going to treat them badly or run around on them, because I would never do that to anyone, let alone a gross old man. They need the most love, mainly because they had to get gross somehow (a loveless marriage perhaps?) and, even though in any other situation I would, I do not want them to think that I am going to be the one to offer them any sort of compassion, sexual or otherwise.

5) There are already glasses breaking and people talking over the music in the background, so it will just add to the glasses being broken and people talking that will be occuring in the bar.

I think that more or less sums it up.
I hope you have sexy stripper dreams about me tonight. Though, I'm almost certain that the majority of the people who read this blog are female, so I'm sorry about that.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with having sexy stripper dreams about me, but I totally like the cock, so it's not going to happen sweetheart.

Not really, but sometimes it gets pretty hostile

2007-08-31T00:32:00.001-05:00

Butt-ne.

2007-08-30T12:07:00.001-05:00

A few things I don't believe

2007-08-29T01:20:00.001-05:00

1) You have to try everything once.

This is by far the most ridiculous excuse made up by foolish teenagers to somehow, in their own minds, justify their irrational behaviour. You do not have to try everything once, infact there are many things that you should probably NOT try once as it would result in your immediate death which would void any satisfaction of actually engaging in said act because you would be dead.

This expression, in my opinion, was made up so when stupid young girls and boys engage in stupid things, ie. drug use and sexual exploration (we all knew that pseudo-lesbian in highschool) they can make things right in their mind.

You never hear about someone trying to drink 2 litres of bleach 'just once', or someone stabbing a blade through their heart 'just once' because that's just irresponsible and self-destructive.

Also, stupid.

If you have ever justifed your actions with the phrase 'well, you have to try everything once!', I am actually going to find you and punch you.

2) Grade 8 is an important year in your education

I don't remember doing anything in grade 8 other than graduating, visiting my future highschool, and watching a truck load of movies.

Math movies, even.

I didn't even know they made movies about math until grade 8, some of which were even mildly entertaining which blew my mind.

Also a lot of Bill Nye, which I think explains my very specific scentific knowledge, concentrating on the areas of inertia, buoyancy and friction.

3) Only YOU can prevent forest fires

Just me?
No way.

4) Everyone loves Marine Land

I've been, and I didn't even love it.

I mean, I liked it I guess, but those deers were really depressing, so it was hard to have a good time. They also smelt really terrible, so just getting that smell out of my nose was hassle enough, never mind ignoring the constant threat of one of those black bears breaking out of their cage and mauling the small child I would undoubtedly use as a shield.

Furthermore, the only ride that is actually worth going to (The Sky Screamer) is on the top of a huge hill, so after getting up there you have to take a sit to catch your breath, and who really wants to get up from a really good sit to stand in line for a ride? Not this girl, that's for sure.

5) Nicole Ritchie is pregnant

Until I see actually photographic evidence of that child being extracted from her vagina, I will not believe it.

You can just pick kids up at the mall and say that they're your own. The authorities don't really enjoy that too much, but when you're famous you can do anything. Even kill a man.

The 13 year old inside me is dead

2007-08-29T00:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Pete Wentz:

I have a rather large bone to pick with you, and it's certainly not your penis because we've all seen that.

I just don't like you.
I don't know what it is, but there's something about that beautiful face of yours that rubs me the wrong way. I think it might be the fact that your are unnecessarily stealing the spotlight from the rest of your band because 13 year olds love you.

I mean, I can't really be mad at them because I was 13 once and thought the most awful boys were dreamboats, but that 13 year old in me died a long time ago (probably the day I found out what 'fellatio' ACTUALLY meant) and now I just don't like you.

I was reading a Seventeen magazine the other day because I like to enrich my life with fine literature as such, and there was a picture of your band with the caption 'Pete Wentz fronted Fallout Boy blah blah blah'.
I'm sorry, did I miss something here? Aren't you just the guitar player that once played in a punk band and decided to water it down so that you could embrace the newly popular teen emo market?
If anything, the caption should have read 'Pete Wentz (who is a sellout and also ill-equiped--am I right Miss Simpson?) and the rest of the boys from Fallout Boy that no one knows their names because they are marginally less attractive (except that lead singer fellow. I would like to kiss him forever...) though equally, if not more talented blah blah blah'.

Though, I'm sure no one at a Seventeen magazine would own up to that statement because it would be social suicide for the magazine, as well as themselves once the horomone ridden teens found out their true feelings about their job. (Do you think they're hiring?)

I just don't get it. When did girls decide to pick the worst boy out of the lot, and fall in love with him? It's like saying you have a crush on Isaac Hanson. No one really likes him for realies, they just say it because he has a lazy eye and a terrible horse face so girls feel bad for him.
Everyone knows that Taylor Hanson is the ultimate babe of all the brothers, and Zac is just so crazy cute that you have to love him.

When are you going to stop frontin' Mister?
You're the guitar player. Everyone knows that the guitar player gets laid the most, but he's the understated hottie of the group. The lead singer is supposed to be the one who gets the most public affection (Hell-ooo...Maroon 5?) while the rest of the band lays low in the background getting the same quanity of young groupies, but with less severe sexually transmitted diseases.

I guess you've just never read to Rock Band Rule Book.

Clean up your act Peter, your parents are disappointed.

Sincerely, Katherine.

Caption Contest!

2007-08-21T23:01:00.001-05:00

I have never had any skill in Caption contests.
Whenever I see a picture that requires someone to write a caption, my immediate response is simply a noise.

'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' is a popular one, following shortly by 'ughhhhhhhhhhhhh'.
Occassionally 'ahhhhhhhhhh' makes an apperance, but that one is over used.

Try it in any caption contest scenario, because as ridiculously unimaginative it is, it will 99% of the time fit perfectly.

Secret #1

2007-08-21T00:54:00.000-05:00

Your hair, it's everywhere

2007-08-13T22:26:00.000-05:00

Never did I think I would title a blog with a Dashboard Confessional lyric, but it felt good.
Like, really good.

I've never really understood girls that are so attached to their hair that they get overly emotional when they change the style of it. (I'm mainly commenting on America's Next Top Model, because that is the only example that I can think of. Don't judge me, ok?)

That being said, I can say that I have cried about a hair cut. Only once though, and mainly because I looked like a soccer mom at the ripe old age of 15. Though it was feesable, I was not entirely prepared to start sporting a hair cut that is often accompanied by high-wasted jeans and living vicariously through my children.

It looked more or less like this, though maybe not as large.

I think I started crying right in the stylists chair, making her feel like she didn't do a good job, and making it virtually impossible to ever return to that salon. I mean, how awkward would that be?

Kat: Hi, I'm here for my appointment with Heather.
Heather: Oh...I didn't think you would ever come back judging by how hard you sobbed last time I cut your hair, and then didn't leave me a tip.
Kat: Yea, keep up that smart mouth and you won't be getting one this time either sally.

I've had a lot of different hair styles, and because Katie did it the other day and I thought it was neat, I'm going to walk you through some of the best years of Katherine hair with probably the most attractive pictures I have found on my computer.

OK? HERE WE GO.

I suppose an appropriate place to start would be my Grade 1 school photo, the only school photo that I have uploaded on my computer.
As you can see, I am just entering the infamous 'awkward stage' of life. Mine lasted from approximately the age of 6 until about 19, though some might question that.
As you can see from this hot little picture, I had a sick mullet which I think complimented my gigantic head really nicely.
It's more than likely that my mother cut my hair in this picture, but I'm ok with it because it's played off nicely with my stylish vest and bow-tie combo.
And yes, that is a lapel rose.

Next came the short cut that lasted a good number years from about grade 7 until grade 11 with a few grow out attempts dispersed in those years.

In its early stages, seen in the first photo, butterfly clips were abundant. Yea, remember those? Holy moly, I had quite the collection.

Judging from my stylish outfit in that photo, that was also my KoRn stage in which I thought I was really hardcore (see the metal necklace? fucking-eh) and could often be found painting my fingernails black and yelling 'you rock harder than Slayer'.

This, I feel, is probably the most embarrassing thing that I have ever told anyone (any-blog).

The second photo is coming near the end of the pseudo-lesbian hair stage where I allowed it to go curly and CrAzEe.

This stage was also accompanied by blinding paleness and unkempt caterpillars, I mean eyebrows.

That Anne of Green Gables porcelin doll was a gift and matched the colours of my room quite nicely, so I had it for quite a while.
I have yet to read Anne of Green Gables.

Also, I miss those pants.

I don't know about you, but I can't stop laughing at this ridiculous picture. Maybe it's because of the story behind it that I have yet to tell you.

HANG ON, IM LOLING.

Look at my stupid fucking bangs. Seriously. Just take two seconds and just look at them.

They are approximately 2mm long.

I bet you're wondering why I would ever let anyone ever cut my hair like that, right? HA, jokes on you. I did it myself.

I BET YOU ARE SURPRISED.

I actually did it at my friends house in about grade 9, and then tried to conceal them with hair bands and hats for a few days from my parents because I knew I had screwed my hair up really bad.

To this day, any time I cut my bangs or even have them cut at the salon, my sister will remind me of these bangs and then proceed to laugh for about 20 minutes.
It happened today, I'm not even joking.

Man, those took FOREVER to grow out.

I'm still laughing, just incase you're wondering.

Then came the stage where I thought huge poodle hair was really awesome.

My Hungarian roots have blessed me with a lot of hair, most of it being on the top of my head and very curly.

Because this picture is dark, it sucks.

You'll just have to trust me when I say I had a lot of curly hair that was really hot and I hated every second of it but sometimes I liked to think I was a gypsy (I STILL AM) and wear it all messy like.

This wasn't really a funny stage, but OH MAN LOOK AT BRYAN'S HAIR.

Hey Bryan, remember your awesome curly hair and how you use to let me straighten it, often intoxicated and how I would often burn you?

You trust me a little too much, brother.

After that, it was more hair colour that changed.

There was blonde, red, blonde with purple, black with purple, dark brown, light brown, orangey and eventually black in there, and really, that's not that exciting, so this is the end of my hair adventure.

....seriously, still laughing though.

Michael Cera, I'm yours

2007-08-13T00:36:00.000-05:00

There's a spot open for number 2 favourite television channel

2007-08-12T15:09:00.001-05:00

Sunday, being the most lazy of all of the days of the week, often provides ample time to sit around and do nothing.

While participating in that act today I decided to enjoy a little television. Seeing as there was some stupid 'weather survival' show on my most favourite channel Discovery, I switched to my second most favourite A&E.

After watching the channel for about 2.3 minutes, I had to get up and leave the room never to return because I was so disgusted by how awful the program was.

The show revolves around the lives of washed up douche-bag child actors Corey Feldman and Corey Haim as they do god knows what. I didn't wait long enough to find out what the whole premise of the show was because I was too busy cleaning up the vomit that involuntarily spewed from my mouth as soon as I saw stupid Corey Haim crying because he wasn't asked to be apart of the 'Lost Boys' sequel.

Oh yea, I should have also prefaced this story with the fact that I fucking hate Corey Feldman with a hell-fire more fierce than Satan's fury.

I never really thought that I would ever see anything that made me more angry than Feldman, but I was wrong. The combination of Haim and Feldman made me so angry that I'm almost certain that I will never be upset at anything ever again because they will all be significantly less aggrivating than those stupid douche-bags.

Simply thinking about the show has made writing this blog difficult because of the anger that is surging through my veins.

Why the hell do they have a show? Seriously. Who the fuck cares. I would rather watch that stupid Playboy Bunny Next Door show where they are confused about everything because atleast they don't cry every five seconds like two little sissy girls (the delightful situations they get into are HIGH-larious, though!...also, does that make me a lesbian?).

Therefore, I am using this opportunity to formally announce my petition against the airing of the television program "The Two Corey's" (also, what a stupid fucking name) on my once second favourite television network, A&E.

If needed, I can provide a list of acceptable shows to replace it's time slot beginning with 'The Playgirl Next Door', and ending with the same.

I will not save you

2007-08-09T21:05:00.000-05:00

If you are ever in a life threatening situation, please do not call on me to save you because I can assure you that I will either a) make the situation 500 times worse, or b) stand around completely disoriented and do nothing.

For some reason, stress makes me freeze like those goats with the freezing limbs. I don't know what they're called. Fainting Goats or something like that. Wikipedia that shit for me.

I more of less lose control of my mouth and eyes as they are locked in a permanently open status, and the only noise I make - if any - is an extremely attractive grunt like noise that is only made by walrus' in heat. My hands remain either stationary at my side, or extended in a robot like fashion as if I am prepared to help, but will take no initiative to actually help because my little robot arms will not move from their position.

I'm sure everyone goes through this momentary loss of control in an emergency situation, but I feel like the duration of mine is much too long for it to be acceptable.

This is an even larger problem, I feel, when I am the sole care-taker of large groups of children - which takes up about 80% of my life.

sorry kids.

Toilet blunders

2007-07-26T10:20:00.000-05:00

I am currently living in the seediest residence of my post-secondary institution while working at a camp for Mexican children who come here to learn english, or as I fondly call it, Camp Mexico.

The residence is old and dirty, often smells like a delightful combination of mould and fart (moult), and is either at the comfortable temperatures of -500 degrees, or 6 million degrees.

The most troubling thing about my current room, however, is the fact that the toilet is not actually attached to the wall, resulting in a frightening rocking chair effect whenever one sits down.

The only way that I have found to combat this is by holding one side of the toilet down, leveling it, and then sitting.

Sometimes I forget though, (ie. when I'm tired, ie. all the time) and I am terrified that I am going to go crashing through the floor in a heap of toilet water and ceramic.

What is even more disturbing is that when I sit on a properly levelled toilet, I feel strange because it is actually stable.

This should not be a concern I have.

DO WANT

2007-07-20T00:56:00.000-05:00

I'm makin' this shirt

Backpiece

2007-07-06T07:13:00.001-05:00

I told a boy at work today that I have this tattoo HUGE on my back.I'm pretty sure he didn't believe me.

Just for interests sake

2007-07-04T11:10:00.000-05:00

Top 5 favourite songs of life that I will never get sick of until the end of the world:

1) Just Like Heaven - The Cure
2) Purple Rain - Prince (yea really.)
3) At My Most Beautiful - R.E.M.
4) Colours and the Kids - Cat Power
5) Sexy Results - DFA 1979

So, every mix tape you ever make me should have minimum 1, maximum 3 of these songs on it.

You will receive some sexy makeouts in return.

Today I actually learned something

2007-07-04T05:54:00.000-05:00

I think I have watched far too many horror movies in my lifetime, because in basically any situation, my mind will automatically come up with the most ridiculously terrifying thing that could happen, and then fixate on that to the point that I get stressed out.

I do not believe this would happen had I not watched many of the movies that I've watched.

For example, this mornings shower.

I'm currently living in the gross, cold, dirty, old basement residence of the oldest residence on my campus. I am here for a residential camp...not just because I'm really excited for school. (I AM!)

The shower in my poorly ventilated bathroom has a white curtain that will be sucked into the shower if you don't somehow seal it to the wall. (What causes this, Dr. science?)

Thinking I had properly sealed it to the wall this morning, I began my usual shower routine that begins with washing my hair. While rinsing, the shower curtain came loose, and flew into my body.

Obviously, the most logical reaction was to assume that someone was in the bathroom, and was going to reach through the curtain in the most dramtic fashion and strangle me to death.

I think maybe I should watch Legally Blonde or something.

I enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic comedies, and the occassional internal organ

2007-07-03T00:01:00.001-05:00